The Gift of a Friend

Something that I haven't shared is that my sister has been going through another difficult period of time the last month or so. I won't go into details out of respect, but I would like to send a big thank you to her 3 friends that have stood by her side. They know who they are and I hope they know how much they are appreciated. One of those friends emailed me and shared her thoughts and feelings on the situation. It was a difficult time for her to be on the sidelines while her friend was in need. I'm grateful for all of you in my sister's life.

Tragic End for 10 Year Old Girl

Suicide stories are difficult enough to read. When you add bullying as a cause for such dramatic actions, it makes it that much more sickening... but when you add the fact that in this particular case the girl was only 10 years old that was driven to suicide.... it makes me want to start a revolution...

The bullying for this girl started in 3rd grade after a poor haircut decision made her a target to the kids in her class. The bullying continued long after the haircut grew out. She was in the 5th grade --- the same grade my son is in --- at school. She had reportedly spoken to teachers and was told to "stop tattling." Her mother's advice was for her to go directly to the principle when she returned to school... but she would never return to school again.

Please read the original article before continuing
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2011/11/15/111511-news-girl-suicide-1-3/

It doesn't surprise me that the allegations got brushed aside as a "kids being kids" type problem instead of a more serious situation. I've seen that happen before when real help was needed. Any allegation I believe needs to be taken with seriousness and it should be unlawful to do otherwise. As far as the parents however are concerned, why didn't they step in and contact the school directly if they knew what was going on? If she was in such a depressed state, why wasn't she being seen by a doctor? Her mother admitted that her daughter felt like everyone hated her. That she admitted this fear to her several weeks ago and yet she was left to fend for herself.

It takes a village to raise a child... it's a saying that is widely known... and its true. The blame in these cases often falls to more then one person... the blame falls to the school for ignoring the allegations of bullying... the blame falls to the parents for failing to get involved to fight for their child and get them the help they need... the blame falls to the aggressors who torment the child each and every day... the blame falls to the parents of the aggressors who taught them it's ok to treat others in such a horrific way as to make someone want to commit suicide...

Like I mentioned earlier, my son is 10 years old and in the 5th grade. To see him enter a room, he's still just a kid to me.... he doesn't have the worries of dating, acne, puberty, etc clogging up his life yet... I'm betting neither did the 10 year old girl who took her life last Friday... to think that kids are THAT cruel at THAT age before any of the real problems of adolescence even kick in has me worried for what kind of future our kids are in store for...

Smiles for Danielle

I should've posted about this when the story was first brought to my attention. I apologize for the delay in getting it to you. On September 23 I received the following wall post on my facebook page:

My daughter was 15 when she took her life on May 20, 2011 due to bullying. This has forever changed our lives. Danielle had plans to attend The Art Institute of Denver after graduating. She was in ROTC Airforce program and played soccer for her high school. She had so much to be proud of, a 6 yr. old brother , a 4 yr old sister and a wonderful future. However, words hurt and cannot be erased. It is my families mission to help stop bullying. We are working with schools in our parish to adopt policies for bullying. Also, we are working to develope a stronger anti-bullying law in the state of La. I will not stop until something gets changed. Join our fight and support "Smiles for Danielle" group on fb. An awareness group for bullying and teen suicide. http://www.facebook.com/groups/173225196067230/
The link below is to an article in our local paper it tells Danielle's story
http://bossierpress.com/index.php?option=com_content&amp%3Bview=article&amp%3Bid=4287%3Asmiles-for-danielle&amp%3Bcatid=1%3Alocal-news&amp%3BItemid=134

The parents have already told her story beautifully in the article from their local paper, so I will not try to recreate the story for you. I encourage you to read Danielle's story and pass it on. It just goes to show that the actions of 1 can have a greater impact then the actions of a 50.

http://bossierpress.com/index.php?option=com_content&amp%3Bview=article&amp%3Bid=4287%3Asmiles-for-danielle&amp%3Bcatid=1%3Alocal-news&amp%3BItemid=134

Confessions of a Friend

I'm blessed to have a friend who is a very talented writer. I wish that she didn't have experience in this topic to share her thoughts... but she does... as many of us do. I'd like for you to take a moment and read how bullying impacted her life....

http://www.maryellenquigley.com/2011/11/effects-of-teasing.html

It's difficult to read... at least it was for me. I didn't know Mary when she was in school. We met years later when we both worked for the same retailer. Since I've known Mary, I've been overweight myself. But during the time in my life in which she described.... I wasn't the overweight kid. I was the kid getting made fun of because my mom was overweight. That was traumatic enough. I can only imagine how the pain was intensified when the comments were directed directly at her.

Now as an adult, I envy her ability to overcome the hardships that come with being overweight and her determination to lose weight for HERSELF and not because someone else thinks she needs to. I admire that she is willing to admit why she eats. Here I sit and I'm still in denial as to why I can't lose weight. I blame medication that I'm on or life being too busy to exercise. I've had the last 6 days off of work and the closest I got to exercise was.... well.... does vacuuming the living room count? I honestly don't believe that I overeat... yet here I sit at a well rounded 215 lbs. It is an improvement... about 6 months ago or more I was sitting at 237. But I lost the 15 some odd pounds by doing nothing more then changing my medications.... hence why I still hold the medications responsibility despite the fact that I'm still off the medications that I blame for causing the weight gain and still can't get down to even the 180 lbs I was about 2 years ago. I wish for the days when I was 120 lbs, but then I look back at pictures and I look anorexic.

I guess the moral of her story is that as difficult as it might be, you have to be happy with yourself despite what other people think. You have to know what your own shortfalls are and be willing to admit them to others if you truly want to make a change in your life. Thank you Mary for posting your story, and I hope you don't mind me sharing your story here. I have young readers who may experience some of the hardships that you did and I felt it important to show them that there is a better life out there for them.

Teen Girl Bullied By Teacher

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

It's sad that it took the parents sending their daughter with a hidden tape recorder to uncover the abuse and bulling. The school should've taken the complaint seriously and begun their own investigation. Of course, hiding the tape recorder is probably the only way to get an accurate assessment of the situation in this particular case.

If this was your child being victimized, how would you go about seeing justice is served?

Reflection on Harry's Law Queen of Snark Episode (spoiler alert!)

Last night a very important topic was tackled on Harry's Law.... cyberbullying and teen suicide. I wasn't happy with the result of the trial. I don't believe that the person who instigated the hate towards a fellow student that led to a suicide should've gotten off scott free.... Listening to the lawyers give the closing arguments, I knew that would be the outcome.... and I guess after having seen so many problems get swept away in the last 3 years I wasn't surprised that would be the outcome either. In my opinion, I don't think the DA should've went for such an extreme charge... that maybe if the jury had been given the option of reckless endangerment or something to that affect they would've been more likely to convict then just having negligent homicide on the table. That charge led right into Harry's closing argument, pointing out that it was in fact a suicide regardless of what factors led up to the actions being taken.

I did find the episode well written however. They showed both sides of the situation in a way that would make anyone stop and "give pause" to reconsider such actions. I had to agree 1000% that society creates a world full of bullies when you have TV analysts, politicians, newspaper writers, etc all attacking anyone they find to be newsworthy or that fits into their own personal/political agendas. How are today's youth supposed to learn the ramifications of their actions when they see it done so often in the community around them where no one is in trouble for behaving cruelly to others? One place to start is in our fictional story-lines.... the writers should've sent a message out there to all the bullies of the world that you must take responsibility for your own behavior. Another, and probably better, place to start is at home with our own kids. Lead by example at home. Don't be a bully yourself and don't tolerate anyone else in your life being a bully. If your kids engage in bully antics.... make sure they see the consequences. On the flip side don't let the warning signs of teen suicide, teen run-aways, and anti-social behavior get past you... no parent should ever be faced with trying to explain why their child took their life. Don't let the anti-social behavior continue - withdrawal is a cry for help... just because you can't hear the cries doesn't mean the cries aren't there... and as Brittany Snow has said, Love is Louder then Hate..... Love your child and help to make the hate go away.......

Read Ellen's take on the Harry's Law episode
http://www.afterellen.com/TV/harrys-law-tackles-bullying-with-an-episode-about-a-lesbian-teen

Harry's Law 10-12-11

There's an all new episode of Harry's Law on tomorrow night... one I'm planning on watching. I'm interested to see how this plays out considering that she'll be defending a cyberbully in this episode.... I invite everyone to watch the episode and post your comments, positive or negative, about the show when it is done.

http://www.nbc.com/harrys-law/video/queen-of-snark/1360267

Amber Alerts

Tonight there is information floating about that two kids from Munster Indiana are missing. I have yet to see an official Amber Alert, but the two are siblings, the eldest being 13 years old. I have added an Indiana Amber Alert icon to the right panel of the blog. If it's flashing, then the site has information on a new Amber Alert. I'm praying that the kids are safe. Information has it that the two kids ran away --- heartbreaking to think that kids so young would feel it neccassary to run from home. As I found out more details, I'll post them. In the meantime, pray for the safe return home for these kids.

Survival Guide for Parents of Teen Girls

I ran across this tonight while searching news articles. It's advice from a psychotherapist on how to handle teen girls. I'm sure there is a heavy need for psychotherapist's in this treacherous age group! If you have a teen daughter, have a daughter on the verge of entering this stage, or even if you are the teenage girl reading this post --- take a few minutes to look over this article. If you've lived with a teenage girl, do you have any additional advice to share? Or do you have any advice for how to raise a respectful and trusting teenage boy? I'd love to hear your comments to this.

http://www.nwitimes.com/niche/nwiparent/newsletter-featured-story/article_83625393-5e75-5968-ab5a-8046a3a1b8d7.html

Graffiti: The Silent Bully's Best Friend

As parents, we all want to raise healthy and well adjusted kids... so when they turn 18 they can face the world and be strong. Some parents however don't have the luxury of letting go of the parental reigns when the magical 18th birthday hits (or 21st, 25th, etc... depending on when our child's maturity level catches up to adulthood). Parents of children with disabilities may spend the rest of their lives trying to keep their children protected. I saw an article shared from the paper on facebook this morning. When I read it, I was just floored at how cruel our society can be. Our society is a one full of bullies. I seem to think that people take pleasure in making others feel not as important as they are.

Posted online for the paper today, was an article about a mother who requested a sign alerting motorists of her 21 year old autistic son in case he were to enter the street without looking. The sign was posted in January and it was recently vandalized with derogatory words in spray paint. What's even worse... the police don't want to classify it as a hate crime. A statement from the police department stated, "Obviously this is very distasteful, but it would have to go a little bit further to be considered a hate crime."

Those words sound awfully familiar to me. How many times in the past 2 years have I gone to the school or gone to the authorities and been told that the situation wasn't severe enough to be handled? Any act that causes any kind of pain... regardless if it's physical or emotional pain... should be treated as a severe situation. How is NOT trying to investigate this vandalism going to help when the grade school kids in her neighborhood see that vandalism happens, gets washed away, and there's no punishment to be had...? Did the police even attempt to get fingerprints off the sign? The vandal might have very likely leaned on the sign at some point. Did they try to talk to neighbors to see if they heard or saw any suspicious in the area? Someone may have seen a car parked out of place. I know in my neighborhood I recognize the cars that are parked on the street everyday. Anyone from the neighborhood could've been letting their animal out for a walk or just coming home from work when the incident was taking place.

This was very much a hate crime and it should be treated as such. How do the police know there's no evidence to go on if they don't even attempt to launch an investigation? If every avenue they take turns out to be a dead end, well then set it aside. At least they would've given that mother a bit of piece of mind that someone, other then herself, is looking out for her son.

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/illinois/lansing/article_ce844a62-c907-55fe-8f5e-a0877ac7b93a.html

'05 Bully Case Resurfaces to the News

Back in 2005 different issues were important to me then they are today. In 2005, my son was only 4... My sisters were only 6 and 7... what does bullying matter when the kids in your life are that young? Surprisingly enough, it must have meant more to me then I thought. Now here it is 6 years later and I vividly remember reading about a high schooler who was suspended over actions on the internet. A girl created a website that's intention was to bully a fellow student. At the time, I probably thought to myself... that would never happen to the kids in my life. While the exact scenario of course hasn't happen (knock on wood, say a prayer, whatever superstition you have please do it so that it never happens to the ones I love), I was way off base when I thought bullying wouldn't be an issue I'd have to tackle. Now it seems it's the only issue that I ever concentrate on when I'm not at work or dealing with my own personal drama.

Like previously promised, I've been searching the web for news stories of bullying incidents over the summer. Tonight, I found a follow up to the story that hit the news 6 years ago. It was stated that "Kowalski used the internet to orchestrate a targeted attack on a classmate and did so in a manner that was sufficiently connected to the school environment as to implicate the School District's recognized authority to discipline speech." This was the courts ruling despite the lawsuit that the student filed against, "...the school and five of its officers, contending that they violated her free speech and due process rights. She claims the school was not justified in disciplining her, because her speech did not occur during a 'school related activity,' but rather was 'private out-of-school speech.'"

This decision means that there's hope yet when these bullies attack my sister using the internet. There is a legal ground to stand on when I argue that the activities on the internet DO impact the school environment regardless of what time of day the actions are occurring. These kids still have to interact with each other on a daily basis knowing that so and so posted something hateful and most likely untrue about them the night before. It's about time for the law to catch up with the technology. If you ask me, cyberbullying needs to be something that is punishable to the same extent as you would slander or heck even aggravated assault in some cases.

Now as I'm putting these words from my brain to this text box, my previous post jumps to mind. How hypocritical do I sound? I just posted about being proud of the teacher for standing up for her right to free speech and then I applaud the punishment of this bully when she tries to use the same free speech argument.

Now --- I can tell you the main difference --- the student was aiming her hate directly, and publicly, at one specific individual. The teacher was channeling her hate in an indirect broad scope that didn't target any one specific person or group of people. Yes, I read a little more about the situation and found that the teacher used a clip art image that was seen as demeaning towards special needs kids - that I don't agree with and as an educator that was definitely not a wise decision on her part. (I also read her reasoning behind the choice of clip art images and can see an argument in both sides of the case) So in that respect, I do believe that there should be consequences for her actions -- which there were. She was suspended and made out to be a public enemy in the eyes of her community. But for there to be a continued problem with her teaching based on comments that weren't directed at a specific target... ? That's why I back the teacher and her right to free speech. The student was trying to cause mental anguish to a specific individual --- completely different playing fields.

So if the teacher is right to be suspended - then the student should fall subject to the same guidelines. Aren't teacher's suppose to lead by example? If so, then if a school can punish a teacher for actions done on the internet, shouldn't the school be able to punish the student for the same actions? Why can't all these schools get on the same page and stop this double standard that they are setting in the media? So there, now my thoughts have come full circle... or at least made an oval shape of some kind. I think.

Anyways, here's the initial article I read that prompted tonight's ramblings. (Notice if you follow the link to the comments I come to the defense of a woman posting about the problems her son faced with bullies....)

http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2011/07/28/court-backs-suspensin-of-high-schooler-for-alleged-online-bullying/

To blog or not to blog?

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't posted since the commentary about the laptops in schools issue arose last week. The latest update is that the school will be RENTING these laptops to students at a lower cost and the student will not own the computer at the end of the term. I still find it absurd and I'm sure I'll have more to say on the topic when I get feedback from the students using these computers... but for now, I'm leaving the issue on the table.

Something else however gained my attention today. I saw a follow up article regarding a teacher who had been suspended over her personal blog. I went back and read a few of her posts. There were several posts with recipes, feedback on shows on food network, etc. But there were also posts made about her day to day life as a teacher. Both positive and negative. The whole point of a blog if you ask me. I've found, as I'm sure some of my fellow bloggers out there have found, that blogging becomes a sort of therapy. A place that you feel safe expressing your thoughts, fears, and true emotions. For me, blogging started as a way to outlet the frustration I've been feeling not being able to help my sister. In this particular bloggers case, it was a way to unwind the stress of work and provide herself with a creative outlet. She's an English teacher for heaven's sake, of course she's going to find writing an enjoyable activity.

The media is focusing on her negative posts. These negative posts are then taken out of context and assumptions are made. Then of course parents are in an uproar because of her attitude towards the student body. In one of her posts, she wrote about her frustration with canned comments she's required to use on a students report card. Her frustration was with the internal struggle she had forcing each student in the "pleasure to have in class" category and other comments schools deem appropriate to tell parents about their children. She created a list of wishful comments that she'd like to use instead in some cases. Yes, they SOUND horrible, but how many of us don't have that horrible thought about our own jobs/lives from time to time? (These were THOUGHTS not actions... how can a witch-hunt take place over someone's THOUGHTS?)

She posts very similarly to the way I try to post. I TRY not to use school district names, though Munster made that very hard for me to continue with all this talk of laptops and dealings with Dell. I DON'T use ANY names of kids that I write about. I express my true opinion regardless of what someone else might think. These were all qualities that I noticed about her posts and yet she's under fire for evoking her 1st amendment right to free speech.

Regarding her "negative" posts --- she's right. There are some kids that I ran across that I WISH I could tell their parents that I hope they enjoy working as a garbage man someday - cause with how they are behaving socially that's all I can see them fit to accomplish in life. (I'd never come out and say it to a parents face, but some negative comment like that does jump out to the tip of my tongue for time to time.) The kids that she refers to, are the kids that most often turn into bullies and hurt the kids she posts positively about.

Seeing the backlash makes me stop and think twice about what I've posted and how it might be received. I'm glad she's had the courage to face the media and stand behind her opinions. I wish her the best of luck and applaud her for continuing to blog. (And in case you're wondering... I choose to continue to blog)

http://abcnews.go.com/US/pennsylvania-teacher-wrote-insulting-blog-posts-students-suspended/story?id=12929001

More Comments about Munster Laptops

Those that have been following along, know that I've been pretty heated about Munster school district purchasing laptops to "rent" to their students. Well, today there was a letter to the editor posted in the paper that was in favor of the ridiculous laptop purchase:

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/opinion/mailbag/article_e17eac38-12a8-5f20-8b1c-15a6f3f68c81.html?mode=story

I LOVE the comment posted by Opsman above. (Sorry if it's hard to read from the print screen images... you can follow this link and read all the comments: http://www.nwitimes.com/news/opinion/mailbag/article_e17eac38-12a8-5f20-8b1c-15a6f3f68c81.html?mode=comments

The above was my commentary. It just blows my mind that MATH is part of this oh-so-important curriculum that is requiring these laptops. What happened to using pencil and paper and sneaking a calculator under your desk when you get stuck on a problem? That's normal. I can see supplemental education being available on the computer, but not it being the primary source of information on math. Unless these new math classes are going to be teaching our children binary code.... leave them out of Math class all together.

Then Science.... come on. Science is about experimentation and hands on learning. Not watching someone else perform an experiment on the computer. How in the world can SCIENCE be improved by all this? The whole thing is absurd.

What are your thoughts?

Letter to Editor -- Not so fun reviews...

So the letter that I wrote in to the editor of the local newspaper, was published today. After getting home, I checked to see if there was a link online. There was. There were also comments left. I shouldn't let it get to me, but the negative comments were painful to read. The letter as it appeared in the paper:

I am just as outraged by Munster schools forcing laptops on their students. But beyond the price tag, lack of communication and lack of choice, the real heart of the issue: Is it really wise to add so much extra computer time to a generation that is already lacking the social skills necessarily to survive in the real world?

Now, cyberbullies who had access to a computer only in the evenings or on weekends can torment their victims 24/7 — and the school is giving them this power. I have yet to read what monitoring is going to be put in place to ensure social networking isn't taking place during school hours.

Munster Superintendent Richard Sopko commented in the original article: "We have to give students a protective environment, and we lose control of that if we open it up to using their own laptops." I want to know how the school environment will be protected with the mass introduction of all of these "weapons" in the hands of cyberbullies.

— Nina Brown, Schererville

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/opinion/mailbag/article_e724693e-c33f-5abe-aaa0-6e93d7c56f43.html

So after seeing my letter displayed in print on the computer screen, I noticed that there were 5 comments to what I wrote:

TAX PAYER said on: July 20, 2011, 7:15 am

Interesting question. I remember when I was a kid. One of the problems was "No one saw him doing it." With computers, that problem goes away. If reported to the proper authorities, on-line bullying should be a one day problem.

Mill said on: July 20, 2011, 9:53 am

Nina, you don't know much about modern technology, do you? Any kid who has a phone with web service can already cyberbully in school.

If the computers belong to the school as these will, the school has the right and the ability to look at history on the machine. The problem is much worse with home/private computers because the school can't access those.

Phantom and Lois Respawned said on: July 20, 2011, 10:12 am

I guess Nina doesn't realize the "real world" of today IS on the computer....

jdmcmkp said on: July 20, 2011, 12:40 pm

they told us at the meetings that social sites were blocked. but we all know if there is a will there is a way around it.

nwimomto2 said on: July 20, 2011, 2:01 pm

Nina, is it wise to have three large towns/cities sharing ONE high school? Is it wise to have your children studying in trailers? You deal with your issues and let us deal with ours.

REALLY?! The "real world of today IS the computer?" I don't know much about modern technology? I don't have a legitimate right to be upset over a school district in a town I don't live in? My heart raced. My hands shook. I was so upset. I'm not one that takes criticism laying down --- or very well for that matter. So, I respond to the naysayers...

Jaysmomma said on: July 20, 2011, 7:41 pm

For starters -- I'm a former Munster Graduate who still has siblings in the Munster school district. So I do see this as my problem. My baby sister is a victim of bullying at school as well as through the internet. While computers are great and necessary, they shouldn't run our entire lives. The real world is all around you, not just what you can see on the LCD screen in front of you.

I got so upset by the comments made by "nwimomto2" that I had to send a message directly to her. I don't know why I felt the need to explain myself, but I had to show her how ignorant she was being. This is what I sent her:

I would just like to ask, how can you comment about the relevance of my concern for Munster schools? Just because I live in Schererville, doesn't mean that I don't have a connection. I have a younger sister attending schools in Munster. My sister has been a victim of bullying, both online and in school, and the school nor the authorities have taken action. This is a genuine concern of mine. I worry every day that my sister will get pushed too far by these bullies. There's ways to get around blocked sites. I have a degree in technology and have spent 7 years selling and fixing computers. I'm no fool when it comes to this stuff. And as far as attacking the school district in which I raise my child... I welcome any feedback that would help to improve his school from any source. My son is an honor student and excels in the environment that Lake Central provides. -- That's all I have to say. I just hope that whatever anger I brought forth by my opinion has subsided just a smidge by understanding where my words come from.

Like I said, I don't like being so harshly criticized. My uncle made an excellent point when he knew I was upset over the comments left. They comment like that BECAUSE they don't have all the information, and besides, I was published, not them!

Anyways, if you feel compelled to do so, please leave your comments on the letter. Positive or negative, though admittedly preferably positive. ;)

Survey Opportunity

If you're over 18, I'd like to ask that you take a quick online survey.

I belong to many anti-bullying groups online. (Surprise, Surprise right?! lol) In one of the correspondences, a fellow supporter sent us all a link to this survey. The survey is purely for educational purposes.

Sent: Monday, July 18, 2011 7:57 AM

Subject: [bullyonline] Do bullying experiences in childhood have detrimental impact in adult life?

I am conducting a totally anonymous survey looking at people's school experiences and whether they influenced later life. I would like to know about everyone's experiences: whether your school life was mainly good or whether you recall some negative experiences e.g. others bad behaviour. This survey is part of my master's degree and has ethical approval from Brunel University and there is no commercial interest in this survey. Respondents must be over 18 years of age. If you would like to take part please click the link below.:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/DP8ZMJW

Letter to Congress

This afternoon my phone rang and it was my grandmother. She was letting me know that there was an episode of Dr. Phil that was just starting that was tackling the topic of Cyberbullying. I flipped to it and saw it was a rerun. Since I was pretty sure I had seen it before, I floated between Dr. Phil and other shows. A little past the halfway mark of the program, Dr. Phil mentioned being able to go on to his website and finding a sample letter to send to legislation to push for them to include technology in bullying laws. The letter is printed below:

Dear Congressman:

I am writing to you to ask for your support of national legislation that will empower schools and educators in their efforts to protect students from bullying and harassment both in school, and through the use of technology. Once considered something of a rite of passage or just kids being kids, bullying is now defined by experts in the fields of mental health and criminology for what it is — an act of abuse and terrorism on our most vulnerable citizens. FBI investigations have determined that bullying has been a contributing factor in over 70 percent of all school shootings, and research has linked bullying to a host of educational concerns including everything from academic failure to depression, substance abuse, delinquency, gang proliferation, self-harm and suicide.

Bullying is often a red flag of more serious psychological problems that escalate over time. Research has determined that one-in-four students identified as pattern bullies by third grade are convicted of a violent crime before the age of twenty-six, and 98 percent of these will go on to abuse their spouse, children, and co-workers.

The good news is that there is a great deal that can be done to change this. Several states have recently passed laws to address bullying both in school, and through the use of technology. Unfortunately, the training and implementation varies greatly from state to state and district to district. Florida has recently passed The Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up for All Students Act. From the beginning, this bill was recognized as the best and most comprehensive in the nation. Jeff's Bill has the "teeth" it takes to not only empower schools to protect our children, but to get help for the thousands of children that slip through the cracks of the education system only to end up in our criminal justice system as violent offenders. Before we demand that our children meet our high standards of academic achievement, we must first ensure the most basic duty of every adult member of society. We must guarantee our children the opportunity to learn in an environment that does not threaten their physical and emotional well-being.

I ask you as my elected official to please give your full support to this legislation, and help make America's schools a safe and nurturing place to learn for ALL children.

Sincerely,

To find a list of senators in your state, please follow this link: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

I submitted the letter using the web form, but you can also print out copies encourage everyone you know to mail in a copy of the letter. All they have to do is address an envelope and sign the letter! Dr. Phil discussed flooding our nation's capitol with correspondence so please spread the word and get the letter into congress anyway you can.

Dr. Phil also has parent and faculty pledge's available to print out and have signed.

http://www.drphil.com/page/parents

http://www.drphil.com/page/faculty

Freedom to be Stupid?

Sometimes I think the First Amendment would've been more properly named "Freedom to be Stupid" instead of "Freedom of Speech." Those that typically hide behind the 1st amendment as a defense, usually don't have much evidence to back their claims. Take this situation for example... I was on ABC Family's facebook page and saw that someone posted an ignorant comment regarding the Cyberbully movie. I got a little heated reading it so I responded. Take a look at the post below: (sorry -- can't get the first half of the image any larger on the screen!)

His post: "Cyber Bully was ridiculous, anyone who's made upset by comments on the internet and too stupid to open a pill bottle is just a cancer to the gene pool"

My reply: " I would imagine you'd be the antagonist in the movie based on your comments. The movie portrayed what kids and their families deal with on a day to day basis. I applaud ABC with how true to life that movie was."

Reply by other ABC Family Fan: "Words do hurt.. and when people keep repeating them, its kinda hard to ignore? and she prob couldnt open the pill bottle bc she was shaking..and nervous..you sir, have no heart."

Now - I understand that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I also understand that everyone is entitled to voice that opinion. What I don't understand is how anyone can show such hatred! By insulting the main character of that movie, they insult everyone I know that has ever lived through extreme bullying. I worry about my sister everyday that she's going to get pushed to that breaking point. It's scary. I've tried going to school officials. I've tried going to the authorities. Nothing has helped. Everyone's hands are tied. I've gone directly to the parents. But most parents are who taught their kids that those not as good as they are "cancers' to the gene pool" so I don't get much progress going that route either. That's why I started to blog. To give the victims a voice and let other's know that they are not alone.

Now I digress... maybe I was being harsh in my opening statements about the 1st Amendment. Everyone should be able to voice an opinion regardless of how ridiculous that opinion is. What I want all my readers to know is that there are voices out there that are going to hurt us. We just have to make sure our voices are louder then their's.

Don't be afraid to use your voice.

See my voice in action at http://a-sisters-love.blogspot.com/

Become a fan on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Sisters-Love-An-Inside-Look-at-Bullying/233030516730555

ABC Family Cyberbully Premiere!

Tonight was the premiere of the ABC Family original movie, Cyberbully. There were so many issues that the movie touched on. It showed how even though a victim of bullying may feel alone, there are others who feel the same way as they do. I was extremely impressed in how the story was written in a believable format that any teenager or parent of a teenager can relate to.

I don't want to give too much away about the movie. I want everyone to watch it for themselves, preferably with the people in their lives that are affected by this issue. But, I would like to say that the agony the mother went through was eerily similar to that of our own experiences trying to get help and justice for the problems my sister has faced. For very similar reasons, this very blog was started.

At about the midway point of the movie when it went to a commercial break, I asked the girls what their thoughts were so far. The only response that I got from the couch... "Wow!" Then after each subsequent commercial break we started going over the questions in the Cyberbully Conversation Starter.

1. What online rules do you make for yourself? These are not the rules that your parents/families have in place. If you don’t make rules for yourself, what kind of rules would you like to start?
   
   
   1. Don't give out private information
   2. Don't use your full name
   3. Don't friend someone unless you personally know them.
   4. Don't respond to odd emails or other requests.
   
   
2. Why do you think people tend to share very private details about their life online? What information should stay private
   
   
   1. You think they've earned your trust.
   2. You are trying to get people to think you're cool.

My own piece of advice that I can give to everyone out there... be smart about who you communicate with and what you communicate with them. If you don't know someone, don't friend them. Don't create fake accounts or let your friends create fake accounts. What starts off as something innocent can quickly spread and cause more harm then you could ever imagine. If you know of a fake profile, don't sit by and let it continue. With facebook, on the profiles wall, on the bottom left corner there is a Report/Block This Person option. Once you click on it, you can report that the profile does not represent a real person or that the person operating the page is not who they are claiming to be. Take my advice from before and clean up your facebook/myspace page.

If you haven't already seen the movie, I urge you to sit down and watch it with the ones you love.

http://www.socialshield.com/company/what-to-do-if-you-are-being-cyberbullied

http://www.socialshield.com/company/why-socialshield

Cyberbully premieres tonight

Just a reminder that the movie, Cyberbully, premieres tonight on ABC Family. I'll have a recap and reflections from myself and 3 teenage girls posted by tomorrow morning. I encourage everyone to check your listings for when it airs and join in on the discussion.

These are 2 of the questions I'm going to be asking the girls tonight. Thanks to CYBERBULLY Conversation Starter:

1. What online rules do you make for yourself? These are not the rules that your parents/families have in place. If you don’t make rules for yourself, what kind of rules would you like to start?

2. Why do you think people tend to share very private details about their life online? What information should stay private?

Cyberbully

Cyberbully follows Taylor Hillridge (Emily Osment), a teenage girl who falls victim to online bullying, and the cost it takes on her as well as her friends and family. Taylor is a pretty seventeen-year-old student dealing with her parents' recent divorce and painfully aware of her lower social status in high school. When her mom gives her a computer for her birthday, Taylor is excited by the prospect of going online to meet new friends without her mother always looking over her shoulder. However, Taylor soon finds herself the victim of betrayal and bullying while visiting a popular social website. Obsessed with the damaging posts, she begins to withdraw from her family and friends, including her life-long best friend, Samantha Caldone (Kay Panabaker). Tormented and afraid to face her peers at school, Taylor is pushed to an extreme breaking point. It is only after this life-changing event that Taylor learns that she is not alone – meeting other teens, including a classmate, who have had similar experiences. Taylor's mom, Kris (Kelly Rowan), reels from the incident and takes on the school system and state legislation to help prevent others from going through the same harrowing ordeal as her daughter.

© ABC Family

Bullies don't take a vacation...

Yesterday, my husband and I took a trip to visit family with our son and my sister. While we were relaxing on the boat on the beautiful lake water (pictured below with my son and husband trying to swim to an island that an American flag had been hoisted) my sister was unknowingly being bullied at home on her computer.

If only we could've stayed on the boat a little longer... a little longer to avoid the harsh reality she faces at home. It wasn't until I came in to her room (at least that's what she calls our office! Since she stays with us so much we put a futon in the office for her, and other overnight house guests, to stay) and saw her on the computer. She was posting a new status update about how she was tired of being cyberbullied. I made her show me what had happened. A friend of her's had posted a picture of herself and streaks she had gotten put into her hair. She had commented the other day. Friends of this friend then commented in turn... but the comments weren't directed towards the poster of the picture --- but at my sister.... (My sister's original comment was "no offense but I can't really see them. I'm sure they're cute on you!" nothing mean, vindictive, or otherwise cruel... completely sweet and innocent...)

I was SO proud of her standing up for herself! Above is the comments she made to the kid directly. Since he's not a friend of her's on facebook the comments all went back and forth between the mutual friend's picture comments. Below is a copy of the status update she posted saying she's tired of being bullied and the responses she received since the post.

What advice do you have for handling a bully? Post your comments below.

Facebook Clean Up Time!

I challenge everyone to this question... Do you know who every single person is on your friend's list? How many times do you get a friend request on facebook from a friend of a friend of a friend? I've known adult friends to make a post about how they are cleaning up their friends list. The true friends scramble to comment and say "Don't delete me!" They reply back with an "lol" and the "of course you'll still be my friend" and everyone continues on their day.

The TRUE challenge is for the parents of kids under the age of 18. Do you know who every single person is on your CHILD'S friend's list?

We all post about the funny day to day things that happen to us. We all post family pictures and pictures of times shared with friends. We all tag or get tagged in a friends photo or status update. What a child doesn't necessarily realize is that every comment they make, picture they take, etc can give away details about themselves that not everyone needs to know. And how many friends of a friend of a friend are requesting that your 13 year old child be their friend on facebook?

I implore everyone to take a few minutes to clean house today. Whether it's your own friend's list that's slowly creeped into 800 close friends from befriending everyone you met in the bar during your last pub crawl (not that you would ever behave in such a fashion of course!) or it's your child's friends list.... take the time to ask yourself if this is someone you want to have access to your life and your child's life 24/7. Is the thought of being "popular" more important then the safety and well being of our youth?

Remember Parents: Doing what's right isn't always going to make you your child's best friend. And that's ok. They'll appreciate you more when they have to watch out for the well being of their own children.