The "Frenemy"

According to wikipedia, a "frenemy" is someone that is an enemy disguised as a friend.

The frenemy is a type of bully that my sister has had to deal with alot. My sister has the kindest heart and she wants to believe the best in people all the time. I've mentioned before how she is taken advantage of by girls pretending to be her friends. Most of us develop the skills needed to determine what people are good for us to be around and what ones we should kick to the curb. For those that struggle with recognizing a positive, healthy relationship, I put together the following list of signs to watch for to know you have a frenemy on your hands:

1. Know that being mean is not OK. Sure, you and your friends joke around, but when it gets beyond playful teasing you may need to reevaluate the situation. If the jokes go to far, simply tell them how you feel. True friends are going to respect your feelings.
   


2. Trust your feelings. Have you ever felt those butterflies in your stomach? That's anxiety. You should never experience anxiety about your friends.
   


3. Listen to the gossip. Did a rumor start getting spread around school about you? Most rumors get started by a misunderstood comment or exaggeration that's based on a bit of truth. Do you remember playing Chinese telephone as a kid? You start and tell the person next to you "I like cheesecake" and when it gets back to you it became "I ate a garden snake." Silly right? But that's how the rumor mill works. You tell one friend that you liked the shirt a boy wore in class and before you know it that one statement has turned into you being a crazy obsessed stalker. Pay attention to who you tell what to, because true friends won't go around exaggerating your conversations to make you look like a crazy person.
   


4. Ask your family their opinion. I know. What pre-teen or teenager wants to hear what their family thinks of their friends? Your family knows you better then anyone else and you can trust that we can spot other kids that have similar traits as you do. We've also been where you are once upon a time and do have our own experience to share with you.
   


5. Watch for backhanded compliments. Does your friend compliment you by saying things like, "If you lose 5lbs that shirt would look great on you," or "He's not my type, but he's probably the best you can do,"? A friend won't want you to have lower standards then they have for themselves. They try to sound helpful but their main purpose is to lower your self esteem.
   


6. Beware of Cyberbullying. Mean kids (and adults for that matter) thrive on drama. In this day and age of technology, drama is available to them 24/7. They have more ways to find out information that they can use against their targets and also have more ways to humiliate anyone they choose. If you are posting on facebook, take a moment to check your privacy settings. You can choose who sees what posts. Only accept friend requests from people that you truly know. Ask yourself the following question before you accept a friend request, "if they post something on my wall, will I want my family to see it?" If you're not sure what their motives or intentions are, hit ignore. If you know that they have ill intentions, block them. Also make sure to check your privacy settings so only friends are able to view your profile information.

I invite you to comment. Have you had to ever deal with a frenemy? How did you handle it and did it help you make better friend decisions in the future?

http://www.nwitimes.com/niche/nwiparent/family-life/article_b89411bb-fc2f-53ea-8941-6c923009650b.html
Read an article that was printed in the NW Indiana Times last month. Bully awareness runs in our family. My grandma cut out this article to share with my sister and my mom forwarded it to me for writing inspiration.